We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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