standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
