You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
