I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
