So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
