he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
