i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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