I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the liver wants what the liver wants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
