did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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