Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
