my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Randomize
