It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
