Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
