I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
