My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
