I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
