Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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