I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize