god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
