hell yes lets make some ravioli
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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