the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
