i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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