we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
