i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
