I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
