did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
