okay pat passed out under dana's car
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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