dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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