Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
