Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
