he wants to bone in the snuggie
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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