she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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