No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize