I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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