Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
