3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize