dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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