i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
