I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she told me i tasted like america
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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