I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize