Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
