Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
