so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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