I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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