How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize