i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
