I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
