Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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