I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
