yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
