My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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