Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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