Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
