She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
