Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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