Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
