Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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