escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
