who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
