Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize