3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
