She is in my trunk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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