All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
