AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
