Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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