I want to have your abortion
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
