Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
