They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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