i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
