imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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