He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
