College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
