it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
