fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
