His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
