I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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