dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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