My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize