I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
