I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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