i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
