Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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