I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
