I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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