forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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