Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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