Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize