1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
People in love make me want to vomit
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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