so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
