i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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