So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
