my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
