having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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