Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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