He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
