Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
