he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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