I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why do cheetos always look like penises
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
