Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
