Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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