Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
