Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
