We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
