Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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