she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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