And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
