you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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