That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
