Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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