If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
