I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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