Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
