please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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