No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
