My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I understand Curling. That high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
