he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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