im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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